13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do by Amy Morin

When Amy was 23, she was with her mother at a basketball game, laughing and enjoying life, but 24 hours later, her mother suddenly died from brain aneurysm, three years after her mother’s death, her husband suddenly died from heart attack, Amy was in a dark place, but she was a trained psychotherapist, so to stop herself from falling into a deep dark depression and get back on her feet, she reminded herself of the 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do.

13 things that prevent anyone from making progress in their life after a tragedy or setback, of the 13 things that she wrote down, there were three destructive mental habits that if you and I are aware of and correct will allow us to avoid the remaining 10 things that mentally strong people don’t do.

First, mentally strong people don’t feel the world owes them anything

If a man loses his business and thinks I’ve worked so hard I don’t deserve this or I’m a good person this is’t fair. He’s just inviting frustration and anger into his life, as children when we worked hard and did the right thing, our parents and teachers made sure we got what we deserved, if things felt unfair like our sister or brother received an extra gift at Christmas, our parents quickly corrected the injustice but as adults we unconsciously believe that higher power should make life fair, if we work hard and we are good people, it’s not fair that we encounter setbacks bad things shouldn’t happen to us, but that’s not how the world works.

As Amy says, no matter whether you’re the smartest person on the planet or you perservere through life’s roughest circumstances you don’t become more deserving of good fortune than anyone else.

Mentally strong people constantly remind themselves of this facts, when mentally strong person catches themselves complaining about how unfair the world is they remind themselves of people who have lived or living harder lives and have received or are receiving less, they might think people living in war-torn countries or chilren who are diagnosed with cancer when mentally strong people compare themselves to people living harder lives they stop focusing what they are owed, instead focus on what they can offer to other people, this might be helping a struggling co-worker or making a meal for sick friend or simply listening to a family member who’s had a hard day.

When we are busy doing good deeds for other people, we forget the world owes us anything, so next time thinking about what you deserves, focus on how you can serve.

Second thing is mentally strong people they don’t focus on things that they can not control, if mentally strong people lose her marketing job in an economic downturn, she doesn’t dwell on it because she can not control the economic and she can’t completely control her boss’s decision to let go of her and keep some of her co-workers, instead she focuses on what she still has, her health, her family and her marketing skills, she chooses to see the event as an opportunities to spend more time to build her marketing business, a dream that she had for years.

But occasionally, life hits us so hard that’s difficult to be grateful or optimistic because the fear of what we can not control is overwhelming, this was the case for heather von st. james, Heather was diagnosed with cancer when her daughter was just three months old, for a year Heather went through surgeries radiation and chemotherapy but after 12 month she was cancer-free, however she feared the cancer would return and her daughter would grow up without her mother.

Heather was terrified because she knew she couldn’t completely control her situation and prevent cancer from returning in an effort to focus on what she could control and let go of what she couldn’t she took out a marker and wrote down her fears on a plate, then she went outside started a fire and smashed that plate into the fire, this act helped her let go of what she couldn’t control, so that she could live each day to the fullest, today Heather hosts an annual cancer research fundraiser in which more than 80 of her friends and family members write their fears on a plate and through them into a giant fire.

When you feel like your life is out of control to take out a piece of paper and draw a horizontal line through the middle in the top section write what I can’t control, and then in the bottom section write what I can control.

You can’t control your past, your thoughts & emotions, other people, Future. In other words, you can’t control what happened to you, but you can control how you respond, you can control on what you want to focus on, what things mean and how you behave, after you’ve populated your sheet with things you can and can’t control, rip off the top section a section of things you can’t control, and continue to rip that section into tiny little pieces or go outside and light that top section on fire and watch your fear burn away as you let go what you can not control.

The third big thing that mentally strong people don’t do, they don’t make the same mistake over and over again.

Mentally strong people don’t metaphorically dust themselves off and get right back on their horse. Amy says they pause to figure out why they fell off in the first place before getting back on.

We don’t want to be alcoholic who routinely turns back to his old ways to escape, we want to face our mistakes our bad habits and take deep hard look at them to see how we can stop making the same mistake in the future.

Owning up to mistakes and correcting them is sign of strength and it’s what mentally strong people force themselves to do, when we own our mistakes and study our mistakes, we become stronger more resilient and stop ourselves from sliding back into our old ways, to experience less resistance to owning and studying your mistakes.

Imagine helping someone else correct their mistake, see yourself in the third person and identify the factors that led to your last mistake, the thoughts the behaviors and any external factors, then like a clinical psychologist give instruction by running down an alternative action they can take the next time those thoughts behaviors and external factors show up.

Create ample motivation for yourself to correct the mistake in future by running down a list of reasons why you don’t want to continue making the mistake anymore. Carry this list with you when you’re tempted to resort to your previous behavior pattern. Read this list yourself, it can increase your moltivation to resist repeating old pattern.

Sum Up:

1. Start focusing on what you can offer to other people, instead of focusing on what the world owes you.
2. Stop feeling sorry for yourself
3. Stop resenting other people’s success
4. Stop wasting energy on things you can’t control and instead focus on what you can
5. Stop Dwelling on the past
6. Stop letting people opinion dictate your life
7. Stop worrying about pleasing everyone
8. Stop making the same mistake over and over again by not being afraid of making mistakes and vow constantly improve.
9. Stop shying away from change
10. Stop Fearing calculated risks
11. Stop expecting immediate results
12. Stop giving up after the first failure
13. Stop fearing alone time

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